On The Menu
by Wolfelover94
Summary: Tired of being pushed around and at her wits end, Reirei decides to add a famous group of heroes to her lunch menu, will she succeed or will the Lion Guard beat her into submission?


A tired, irritable, and starving Reirei was sitting beside her sleeping puppies and her lout of a mate Goigoi as he slept beside her, his constant snoring interrupting her concentration on her internal thoughts, resulting in her kicking him in his groin to get his needed attention.

" Goigoi, I demand that you quit your snoring this instant! " She said with a growl of irritation as she rapidly thumped her tail against the ground. " It's driving me fucking crazy! "

" I'm sorry Honey Paws, but that's how I sleep! " Goigoi told her. " Besides, I can't really help it! "

" That's because you're not trying! " Reirei snapped at him with her teeth. " Now, stop it or I'll** stop** it for you! " She threatened.

Goigoi, taken aback by his mate's hostile demeanor, decided to do his best to comfort her, cautiously placing a paw over her shoulder. " Now now, you really don't mean that, do you want to tell me what's wrong, Pumpkin Paws? " he asked her as he licked her cheek.

" Isn't it obvious? _The Lion Guard!_ " Reirei snarled out their name as she dug her claws against the ground. " Those bastards are always ruining our hunts, Every, Single, Time! "

" I don't like them either Sugar Snout, but isn't calling them bastards kind of harsh? " Goigoi pointed out before a death glare from his mate made him retract. " N-nevermind, they are bastards aren't they? "

" Quite..." Reirei said with a smile until it quickly faded with a growl from her empty stomach. " I would love to decorate our den with each of their skulls and entrails! "

" That's very dark...I love it! " Goigoi nodded in agreement with a wag of his tail until a thought suddenly occurred to him. " Don't we always give up when they show up though? kinda going to be hard decorating with their entrails if they're still alive! "

" Goigoi, Goigoi, Goigoi_…Goigoi "_ Reirei repeated his name with a threating chuckle as she pressed him against the wall and dug her claws into his shoulders. " Never act smart around me..._**EVER!**_ Understand me? "

" Yes Dear! " Goigoi hastily agreed. " It won't happen again! " He said as her rubbed his stinging shoulders.

" See that it doesn't..." Reirei ordered when her stomach growled again, making her rethink her scolding for a moment and start tapping her chin and scanning the den's room with he eyes in thought. " On second thought, you do have a point about us always giving up when the Lion Guard show up..."

" I do? " Goigoi said with confusion and a head tilt.

" Yes you do, I want to change that the next time we all go hunting tomorrow. " Reirei smirked.

" Great, what are we hunting exactly? " Goigoi asked as he prepared to head back to sleep. " Oryxes? Gazelles? Zebras? Aardwolfs? "

" The Lion Guard. " Reirei told him with a jovial tone in her voice and sadistic smile on her face, her green eyes shining in the darkness in the den.

" That good to- ARE YOU INSANE?!" Goigoi suddenly shouted before remembering that his children were still sleeping, covering his mouth in his own embarrassment. _" Are you insane? "_ He repeated in a whisper, only to get a " What do you think? " look from his mate in response.

_" As for tomorrow, they're all on the menu! "_ Reirei emphasized with licking her lips hungrily. _" Starting with Kion himself! "_

_" Don't you think you'll be underestimating him yet again? "_ Goigoi said cautiously. _" Just a bit?...*beat* I'll shut up now. "_

_" Good night Goigoi. "_ Reirei told him as the gears in her head started turning and her mouth watering at the thought of eating the lion cub while his friends watched helplessly, until thought of an vengeful Simba crossed her mind. " _Yes, Daddy could be a problem...if only I could lure Kion away from the Pridelands and into a trap, something less obvious to Ono or that numbskull, Bunga. Maybe I'll get some rest to recharge my noggin!"_

With her plan filed away for later inside her mind, Reirei curled up beside Goigoi and their pups and drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face at the prospect of having a cub sandwich for dinner, perhaps with a side order of Honeybadger head and Egret stew.

* * *

The next morning, Reirei, Goigoi, and their pups were exploring the Outlands on a family outing when they came upon Janja and his crew, who were basking in the warm sun and playing with eachother.

" Goigoi? why don't you play with the kids? I've got something to discuss with Janja...Okay? " She told him.

" Sure thing Dear. " Goigoi said as he went to play with his pups while Reirei walked up to the clan of hyenas and sat down in front of them, clearing her throat to say something...

" What's up Losers? " The black-backed jackal greeted insultingly with a smug grin. " Get your asses kicked by Kion and his goons? "

" No, not today Bitch! " Janja growled as he jumped in front of the jackal, his yellow eyes narrowing. " Now what do you want? "

" Nothing, just want to make small talk, you oversized meerkat! " Reirei snapped back. " you should really work on your insults by the way, as if the word bitch is supposed to offend me somehow? "

" Just get to the point, Reirei! " Janja told her. " Me and the boys got Antelope to chase! "

" You still hate Kion right? " Reirei asked as she sat beside the hyena. " Well, do you? "

" Occasionally..." Janja said begrudgingly. " Sometimes. "

" What does that mean? " Reirei inquired with curiosity. " You're not secretly best buds with Kion, are you? "

" N-no! Nothing like that! " Janja denied. " And don't you dare ship me with him either! " he added before realizing what he just said.

" You have a crush on Kion Janja? that's sweet, Boss! " Cheezi congratulated. " I'm so happy for you! "

" You sure do talk about him a lot boss! " Chungu added. " It's very endeer-Endor-Indoors Um..."

" Endearing? " Reirei corrected while not taking her eyes off the flustered hyena leader in front of her, reveling in his embarrassment.

" Yeah, That! " Chungu finished with his trademark laugh.

" No I don't you Fur-brains, Now shut up! " Janja ordered his two stupid clan mates. " There's nothing between me and Kion, Period! _I really hate that we're paired together..._" he muttered the last part to himself.

" Enough, you told me to get to the point, well, here it is. I want you and your clan to distract the rest of the Lion Guard while I go after Kion. " Reirei explained. " You see, I've been craving lion cub for awhile now. "

" Why are you craving that- Wait, you actually want to eat Kion? " Janja said with an incredulous look on his face. " Do you realize how insane that plan is?

" Yes, I do. " Reirei confirmed. " Since you and I are tired of him ruining our hunts all the time, why not just make him and his little band of dorks the main course? Be rid of the Lion Guard once and for all? "

" Sounds risky...And you know his daddy will not like you going after his son, right? " Janja pointed out. " Even if you succeeded, Simba's going to be pissed and go after you and your family next! "

" I'm surprised you're so very concerned about me and my family. But not to worry, I've thought of that possibility and I've decided to do this alone! " Reirei assured him. " What? are you going soft Janja? "

" No, But this plan of yours will backfire sooner or later, just a fair warning between two enemies. " Janja warned. " Speaking from experience of course. "

" Thanks for the heads up, Fur Brain! " Reirei chuckled. " So, will you help me kill the Lion Guard? Oh and Janja, don't go blabbing to them about my plan, because if you do, I'll come looking for you! "

" Phfft, yeah whatever! " Janja dismissed. " I'd like to see you try! "

" Oh..._I will!_ " Reirei sneered. " Just a fair warning between two enemies. * ahem * GOIGOI, KIDS! " she suddenly shouted. " Let's go! " the jackal started to leave until she stopped and turned back to Janja. " You didn't give me my answer...So what is it going to be, Janja? "

Trapped in a diliema, Janja started to think over his options, on one paw, he despised the Lion Guard and their constant oppressive and aggressive tactics on enforcing the Circle of Life creed, but on the other paw, he's grown to respect Kion and his duty to protect the Pridelands...Not that he'll ever admit it or anything. Taking a deep breath, He came up with his response...

" I'll try to think about it. "


End file.
